Keeping
the Fire Lit In Your Relationship Or Marriage
By Susie and Otto Collins
Here's an interesting question... Did you ever
want to do something and know that it would be good for you but you couldn't seem to find the energy to actually do it?
Most of us have had that dilemma at one time or another in our lives so we're
pretty sure that you know what we are talking about. This applies to a lot of different areas of our lives such as home, work
and especially our relationships.
So at the first of this year, we agreed that we would read, talk and connect
with each other one or two evenings a week after we stopped working for the day. This commitment to each other is a conscious
step for us to focus on what we want more of in our lives--which is to keep our passion, love and connection alive--rather
than let "life" and other distractions dictate what our priorities are.
Here are a few ideas if you want to find more time to rekindle and keep love
alive in your relationship...
1. Decide what you truly want. If you want to keep the "fire lit," then what
does that mean to each of you? Talk about how you both like your connection and relationship to be without blame and without
getting defensive. Be honest about what really excites you.
2. Focus on your positive outcome. Get on the same page, if possible,
and hold that vision for how you'd like to be together. You will have the energy to move toward what you want if you just
hold that as your vision for your life.
3. Make this a fun experience rather than something that "should" be
done.
The same thing could be said for finding the time for closeness and connection.
It has to feel really good in order to choose an activity that will bring you closer rather than one requires nothing of you.
Even tiredness seems to dissolve when the rewards outweigh the allure of "vegging" out.
From our own lives and from observing the lives of many people, we've found
that you can make one of two choices: You can allow others or circumstances to dictate the course of your life or you can
be a conscious creator of your life. The choice is yours. Today and in every moment, we invite you to consciously choose things
that will keep the fire lit inside you, whether for your relationship or for your life.
To learn more about the authors go to http://www.relationshipgold.com/
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What do you want from your
relationship that you’re not getting now?
Is it possible to get your
spouse to agree to share one or two nights a week with just you, in order to “keep the fire lit?”
What kinds of things would
you like to do during that “quality time?”
Have you tried something
like this before? What happened?
If yes, are you willing to
try again?
What tactics can you employ
to encourage your spouse to invest more time in your relationship? Make a list.
Marriage counseling
Marriage counselors are trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and focus on understanding their clients'
symptoms and the way their interactions contribute to problems in the relationship.
Description
Marriage counseling is usually a short-term therapy that may take only a few sessions to work out problems
in the relationship. Typically, marriage counselors ask questions about the couple's roles, patterns, rules, goals, and beliefs.
Therapy often begins as the couple analyzes the good and bad aspects of the relationship. The marriage counselor then works
with the couple to help them understand that, in most cases, both partners are contributing to problems in the relationship.
When this is understood, the two can then learn to change how they interact with each other to solve problems. The partners
may be encouraged to draw up a contract in which each partner describes the behavior he or she will be trying to maintain.
Marriage is not a requirement for two people to get help from a marriage counselor. Anyone person wishing
to improve his or her relationships can get help with behavioral problems, relationship issues, or with mental or emotional
disorders. Marriage counselors also offer treatment for couples before they get married to help them understand potential
problem areas. A third type of marriage counseling involves postmarital therapy, in which divorcing couples who share children
seek help in working out their differences. Couples in the midst of a divorce find that marriage therapy during separation
can help them find a common ground as they negotiate interpersonal issues and child custody.
DISCUSSION
What
are some good aspects of your marriage?
What
are some bad aspects of your marriage?
To
what extent are you responsible for the problems?
How
effectively do you communicate your needs?
How
effectively does your spouse communicate needs?
Is
it possible to make a written contract with your spouse so that both of you get what you need?
Can
you find rewards and punishments that you and your spouse can live with,
for
meeting and/or breaking the terms of the contract?
Are
there marriage counselors available in South Korea? In
your town?
