28 What do you say to someone who…
a. just lost a sports competition?
b. just got divorced?
c. just won the lotto?
d. is spraying saliva at you
when talking?
e. is crazy?
f. just got robbed?
g. stole your boyfriend/girlfriend?
h. is worried about something.
i. just got married?
j. is pointing a gun at you?
k. is crying?
l. is laughing?
m. is dying?
n. is raping you?
o. appears to be an alien?
p. is coughing and drooling?
q. keeps bothering you?
r. complains all the time?
s. really hates you?
t. smells bad?
u. has food on their face?
v. fly is open?
w. you accidentally insulted
x. you hate?
y. keeps laughing at everything?
z. you want to fall in love with
you?
Some of the following answers
can be used for several of the abvoe questions. Some fit just one best. Really, there are many, many
possible answers to these questions. The following are just a few suggestions.
Answers: I’ll pray for you; I have AIDS, Congratulations;
What’s so funny?; What’s the matter?; Better luck next time; Did you call the police?; Oops, I forgot to call
my stock broker; Things could be worse; Go away and leave me alone; Excuse me, but you have something on your face; Sorry,
I’m not myself today; What’s so funny?; You can take anything you want; Are you OK?; Where are you from?; Don’t
worry, things will get better; Count your blessings; Excuse me but your zipper‘s
open; He/she has AIDS; Do you notice a strange smell in here?; Have you recently escaped from a mental asylum?; Sorry,
I just remembered I’m late for an appointment; Say it, don’t spray it; should I call a doctor for you?
Some hints:
"Count your blessings"
means be thankful for the things you have, rather than just focusing on things you don't have.
"Fly" (and "barn door")
mean "pants zipper."
"Mental asylum" is a
very old fashioned phrase for "mental health institution," or "crazy house"!
Claiming to have AIDS
has stopped a few rapes. In one documented case, the intended victim talked with the rapist, found out he didn't have
a job, and promised that she could find him one. This stopped the rape. Later, when he called her for the job,
he was arrested.
In cases where someone
is pointing a gun at you, just give the person what they want. If you say anything, it could be: "You can take anything
you want." People with guns are often crazy and have no sense of humor, so joking around is a very, very bad idea.
"Sorry, I just remembered
I'm late for an appointment" is a very good answer for any uncomfortable situation where you just want to leave as quickly
as possible.
